I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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