Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
