CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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