And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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