I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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