if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize