i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
