Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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