what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Are these your boobs on my camera?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
