we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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