At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
