i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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