I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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