I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
