"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
