omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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