Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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