I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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