Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
