I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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