u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
