After last night, I could never be a politician.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize