He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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