You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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