Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
