I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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