Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
