Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
