I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
