Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
