i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize