i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
