cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
