Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
