She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
