I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
