I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
