to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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