So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He? As in you personified your dick?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
