Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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