i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
