Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Be still, my beating vagina.
Found the puke drawer
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
