I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
