he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize