I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
