the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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