eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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