so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
