i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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