Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
