Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
