A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
