Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
love makes seman taste better
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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