we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
wow bdsm is so cute
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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