xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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