Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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