it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
