There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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