so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
