Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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