i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
