i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think I have vodka in my lungs
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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