So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sorry my hands just texted you
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
