so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
