I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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