I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
