you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
