Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
