We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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