please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize