false alarm. still invincible.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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