Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
