Fuck appropriateness.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How many fucks given?
0.12846
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
