"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
