The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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