love makes seman taste better
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
