Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
