My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
