its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize