IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
