The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
