a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My life is pants optional.
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