Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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