we have officially lost it.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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