Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
