i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
