A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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