I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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