Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
