I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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