my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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