I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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