Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
